Life is short, but is it ?
- Turn off your birth date in FB
Unless you are my elderly mother, none of us bother to remember people’s phone numbers anymore. I personally only know one by heart. Birthdates are as tough for me but I do have friends with unique birthdates like 29 February, 1 April, 25th December. I do not know my siblings’, nephews’ and nieces’ because we do not celebrate them together. I know, I am quite a horrible person in this area and we are not quite the typical family. I use google calendar to track and prompt me birthdates so friends still get wishes from me. Watsapp group chat is another good reminder platform — one starts and the rest just blindly add on the wishes to somebody in the group.
I did a test last year by removing my birthdate in Facebook and true enough, my birthday wishes dropped by 90%! Don’t get me wrong, I am not unhappy about it. How many friends know us, truly? Only very true and good friends remember your birthday? A friend is a lesser person if he or she does not remember your birthday? Why is one’s birthday worth remembering in the first place? And what is so happy about our birthday? Usually, on my birthday, I try to do some thing good and meaningful no matter how small it is so that I really have a “ HAPPY” birthday. So, folks, if you are someone who cannot stand the lack of wishes on your birthday or feel terribly lousy not hearing from your friends on your birthday, keep your birthdate turned on in FB. Mine is still off.
2. Know your parents’ weight
I chose to stop work 3 years ago after working for 30 years. On forms, I will just put “retired” or “retiree” for simplicity. I think Singaporeans are just a bunch of overworked people and I now think full time work is a silly idea. Will I go back to the workforce? I don’t know and don’t think about it. Freelancing and part-time work may be the furthest I will go, moving forward. I have been able to spend more time with my aging mother. I visit her more often and am more patient with her, though she can still drive me nuts, at times. I ease into her life as the main caregiver, with assistance from my 2 siblings. I start to observe her little actions and habits and learn more about her abilities or lack of. Why does she not walk straight pushing the marketing trolley along the pavement? What are her favorite foods and what foods she will avoid like poison because they give her leg cramps or stomach churns. How does she spend her time during the day? I know most workaholic children do not or are unable to pay attention to details like these.
A TCM lecturer summarized it to 5 abilities to determine one’s general health, especially the elderly’s —eat, drink, poo, pee, sleep . I further shorten that to just the weight. Like my sales manager once told me — “Don’t tell me you know the customer very well if you do not know his birthday”. So, don’t tell me you love and care for your parents if you do not know their weight. Why weight? For elderly, it is easy to lose weight (muscles shrink as we age) and very difficult to gain it. Just maintaining it is a humongous task for some of them. If any of the 5 abilities I mentioned above is not happening well, the weight will show. So, know their weight, track their weight. Buy them a weighing machine. It is the easiest and cheapest thing to do as your show of love and concern.
3. Make friends
People change. You change. Your friends change. Friends come and go. How many friends does one need in a life time and at any point of time? Friendship can be messy and friends can be a pain in the arse sometimes but I need them! I need them for my diverse activities that I do. I need them when I am in my various moods. I need them when I do not want to be alone. My friends know me more than my family. My friends are my religion — they make me a better person because I learn from them and they also train up my patience with their ridiculous words and actions, sometimes.
I know some experts advocate keeping only positive and useful friends and discard others. But this just sounds a bit cold and selfish to me. Good and bad, we should take them all in because there is always some good in every person. I am no saint and I know my bunch of close girl friends think I am stubborn, direct, ridiculous and headstrong too at times but they stand by me. So, make an effort to maintain friendship and make new ones too. Stay socially active as this may just be the one thing that helps you age happily.
There is no rush. Life expectancy in Singapore is about 81 years for men and 86 for women. So, you see, life is not that short, after all. You knew it will end the day you were born. You have ample time to live it happily, healthily, positively and meaningfully for yourself and others.
